1
00:00:00,967 --> 00:00:02,935
You're watching Bob's Burgers.
2
00:00:02,937 --> 00:00:05,537
-You're going lip bald!
-Catch all-new episodes Sundays.
3
00:00:05,539 --> 00:00:07,940
And check out
our other Fox programs,
4
00:00:07,942 --> 00:00:11,310
The Simpsons, Family Guy
and Brooklyn Nine-Nine.
5
00:00:11,312 --> 00:00:12,611
Help me
with that pigeon head.
6
00:00:12,613 --> 00:00:14,346
I can't see anything.
7
00:00:14,348 --> 00:00:15,748
Only on Fox.
8
00:00:18,551 --> 00:00:20,619
♪ ♪
9
00:00:36,403 --> 00:00:38,137
Wow, that does sound
pretty amazing.
10
00:00:38,139 --> 00:00:39,405
I'll... I'll be sure
to look it up.
11
00:00:39,407 --> 00:00:41,073
Anyway, I just double-checked
the walk-in,
12
00:00:41,075 --> 00:00:42,408
and five boxes should work.
13
00:00:42,410 --> 00:00:43,909
Thanks, Demitri.
Talk to you...
14
00:00:43,911 --> 00:00:46,078
Oh. He, he's gone.
What happened, Dad?
15
00:00:46,080 --> 00:00:47,813
Did the meat guy just
hang up on you in a huff?
16
00:00:47,815 --> 00:00:49,214
No, my phone died.
17
00:00:49,216 --> 00:00:50,749
The battery only lasts
about ten minutes
18
00:00:50,751 --> 00:00:52,184
before I have
to charge it again.
19
00:00:52,186 --> 00:00:53,852
You really need to get
a new phone, Bob.
20
00:00:53,854 --> 00:00:56,155
That one's older
than Gene.
And hairier.
21
00:00:56,157 --> 00:00:57,990
My phone wouldn't have died
if Demitri
22
00:00:57,992 --> 00:00:59,525
hadn't spent so much time
talking about a big sale
23
00:00:59,527 --> 00:01:01,160
at Outdoor Adventure World.
24
00:01:01,162 --> 00:01:03,328
He said they're closing
the location in Bog Harbor
25
00:01:03,330 --> 00:01:04,897
and everything is marked down.
26
00:01:04,899 --> 00:01:06,432
I guess today is the last day.
27
00:01:06,434 --> 00:01:08,534
You guys have
great conversations.
28
00:01:08,536 --> 00:01:10,235
It actually sounds like
a pretty good sale.
29
00:01:10,237 --> 00:01:11,737
I'm gonna look it up.
LOUISE:
On your ancient
30
00:01:11,739 --> 00:01:13,439
16-pound laptop.
31
00:01:13,441 --> 00:01:14,540
I don't know.
32
00:01:14,542 --> 00:01:15,908
Remember that
camping pizza oven
33
00:01:15,910 --> 00:01:17,376
that you swore we needed?
34
00:01:17,378 --> 00:01:18,444
We never used it once.
35
00:01:18,446 --> 00:01:19,945
I set it up. I think.
36
00:01:19,947 --> 00:01:21,713
I used it to dry
one of my swimsuits.
37
00:01:21,715 --> 00:01:22,948
Perfect crust.
38
00:01:22,950 --> 00:01:24,883
Wow. These discounts
are incredible.
39
00:01:24,885 --> 00:01:28,087
75% off?
I could get some kayaking stuff.
40
00:01:28,089 --> 00:01:30,122
Kayaking. You.
Really?
41
00:01:30,124 --> 00:01:32,391
I could be a kayak guy.
Maybe.
42
00:01:32,393 --> 00:01:34,460
Right, 'cause the only thing
holding you back all these years
43
00:01:34,462 --> 00:01:36,128
was the insane cost of paddles.
44
00:01:36,130 --> 00:01:37,596
Okay, maybe not
a kayak guy,
45
00:01:37,598 --> 00:01:39,565
but what about
a climbing guy?
46
00:01:39,567 --> 00:01:41,533
Let's talk about
the word "guy."
47
00:01:41,535 --> 00:01:43,102
All right, we get it.
48
00:01:43,104 --> 00:01:45,304
There's a tough outdoor Bob
hiding inside
49
00:01:45,306 --> 00:01:47,806
that squeezable
indoor body.
Thanks.
50
00:01:47,808 --> 00:01:49,475
You know what, if you really
want to go to that sale,
51
00:01:49,477 --> 00:01:50,742
why don't you go now?
Really?
52
00:01:50,744 --> 00:01:52,711
Sure. I mean,
it's the last day.
53
00:01:52,713 --> 00:01:54,379
The kids and I will
finish up the dinner rush
54
00:01:54,381 --> 00:01:56,048
and close up
before Gayle comes over.
55
00:01:56,050 --> 00:01:57,716
Wait, Gayle's coming over?
56
00:01:57,718 --> 00:01:59,384
Yeah, she wrote
a one-woman show.
57
00:01:59,386 --> 00:02:01,487
She needs to do a run-through
before she debuts it.
58
00:02:01,489 --> 00:02:02,454
She wants feedback.
59
00:02:02,456 --> 00:02:03,589
What?
Uh...
Mmm...
60
00:02:03,591 --> 00:02:04,823
Be nice.
61
00:02:04,825 --> 00:02:06,091
Okay, then, I'm
definitely gonna go.
62
00:02:06,093 --> 00:02:07,759
We can go to the store with you,
Dad.
63
00:02:07,761 --> 00:02:09,328
Yeah, this-- that
sale sounds great.
I want to go with you, Dad.
64
00:02:09,330 --> 00:02:10,662
No way, Josés.
65
00:02:10,664 --> 00:02:12,297
I need you kids here
in the restaurant.
66
00:02:12,299 --> 00:02:13,332
See you guys later.
67
00:02:13,334 --> 00:02:14,666
Say hi to Aunt Gayle for me.
68
00:02:14,668 --> 00:02:15,901
You walk out that door,
69
00:02:15,903 --> 00:02:17,970
we're through, mister.
You hear me?
70
00:02:17,972 --> 00:02:19,805
♪ ♪
71
00:02:19,807 --> 00:02:21,206
Whoa.
72
00:02:22,442 --> 00:02:24,309
Hello, outdoor stuff.
73
00:02:24,311 --> 00:02:25,744
Welcome to Outdoor
Adventure World.
(gasps)
74
00:02:25,746 --> 00:02:27,513
I'm Austin.
Uh, hi.
75
00:02:27,515 --> 00:02:29,448
Big sale.
Huge sale!
76
00:02:29,450 --> 00:02:31,683
Sad we're closing,
but happy you're getting a deal.
77
00:02:31,685 --> 00:02:33,152
Uh, yeah, great.
78
00:02:33,154 --> 00:02:34,853
Now let's get you
in some gear.
79
00:02:34,855 --> 00:02:36,088
What are you
in the market for?
80
00:02:36,090 --> 00:02:37,589
I've demoed everything
in the store.
81
00:02:37,591 --> 00:02:39,691
Uh, kind of just browsing.
82
00:02:39,693 --> 00:02:42,494
This sleeping bag is
insanely comfortable.
Oh.
83
00:02:42,496 --> 00:02:44,163
In fact, I'm taking
this one with me
84
00:02:44,165 --> 00:02:46,098
on the Appalachian Trail
next week.
85
00:02:46,100 --> 00:02:47,699
That sounds... um...
86
00:02:47,701 --> 00:02:49,835
I'm gonna go...
over here.
87
00:02:49,837 --> 00:02:52,504
You looking for a split-grain
leather or a full-grain leather?
88
00:02:52,506 --> 00:02:54,673
I'm not really looking
for any kind of leather.
89
00:02:54,675 --> 00:02:55,674
I'm just still browsing.
90
00:02:55,676 --> 00:02:56,675
Well, if you change your mind,
91
00:02:56,677 --> 00:02:58,143
just leather me know.
92
00:02:58,145 --> 00:02:59,511
Scuba?
Spear fishing?
93
00:02:59,513 --> 00:03:00,812
Oh, my God.
94
00:03:00,814 --> 00:03:02,114
You do mountain bikes?
Road bikes?
95
00:03:02,116 --> 00:03:03,649
Racing?
Oh, look,
there's a tent.
96
00:03:03,651 --> 00:03:04,816
Ah, good eye.
97
00:03:04,818 --> 00:03:06,218
That's a four-season tent.
98
00:03:06,220 --> 00:03:07,619
It's basically a house.
99
00:03:07,621 --> 00:03:08,854
You put a mailbox on
the front of that,
100
00:03:08,856 --> 00:03:10,022
you can call it a day.
101
00:03:10,024 --> 00:03:11,557
Uh, I'm gonna
check out the inside.
102
00:03:11,559 --> 00:03:12,991
I'll... I'll
see you later, maybe.
103
00:03:12,993 --> 00:03:15,294
All right. Take a look
at that vestibule.
104
00:03:15,296 --> 00:03:17,062
I can't really hear you,
I'm inside a tent.
105
00:03:17,064 --> 00:03:19,131
Oh, and the vents--
look at this mesh.
106
00:03:19,133 --> 00:03:20,299
Ooh, I'm gonna zip this up.
107
00:03:20,301 --> 00:03:21,700
Yeah, yeah, yeah,
zip it up.
108
00:03:21,702 --> 00:03:23,869
Who's ready for
the world premiere
109
00:03:23,871 --> 00:03:25,571
of my one-woman show?
110
00:03:25,573 --> 00:03:27,239
Gayle, hi.
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00:03:27,241 --> 00:03:28,807
Aw, we could hardly wait.
112
00:03:28,809 --> 00:03:30,909
Kids, tell your Aunt Gayle
how excited you are.
113
00:03:30,911 --> 00:03:33,478
What is this, like one of those
one-act, five-minute things?
114
00:03:33,480 --> 00:03:35,480
Sometimes even three minutes
can be a thrill.
115
00:03:35,482 --> 00:03:37,249
Well, I, for one,
loved it.
116
00:03:37,251 --> 00:03:38,650
Should we head over
to the wrap party?
117
00:03:38,652 --> 00:03:40,886
Kids, come on.
What's it called?
118
00:03:40,888 --> 00:03:43,222
It's called
"My Boobs Are Down Here:
119
00:03:43,224 --> 00:03:46,158
Laughing and Aging
and Raging and Laughing."
120
00:03:46,160 --> 00:03:48,093
I love it.
Oh, and it's so great
121
00:03:48,095 --> 00:03:49,761
they're letting you perform
at the library.
122
00:03:49,763 --> 00:03:51,396
Yeah, I'm doing it
in the hallway,
123
00:03:51,398 --> 00:03:52,931
where the water fountains
and the bathrooms are.
124
00:03:52,933 --> 00:03:55,033
It's part of a series called
"Art in the Hallway:
125
00:03:55,035 --> 00:03:56,835
Where the Water Fountains
and the Bathrooms Are."
126
00:03:56,837 --> 00:03:58,670
Okay, I think we're
all closed up here.
127
00:03:58,672 --> 00:03:59,771
Why don't we head upstairs?
128
00:03:59,773 --> 00:04:01,173
Just one quick thing:
129
00:04:01,175 --> 00:04:03,842
the play gets
a little messy.
130
00:04:03,844 --> 00:04:05,344
Messy? Wait,
what do you mean?
131
00:04:05,346 --> 00:04:07,613
Oh, you know, at one point
I spill some milk
132
00:04:07,615 --> 00:04:08,914
and slip in it.
133
00:04:08,916 --> 00:04:10,916
Okay.
In another part,
134
00:04:10,918 --> 00:04:14,086
I violently stab a few
pillows and rip 'em open.
Oh.
135
00:04:14,088 --> 00:04:17,089
Go on.
Also, there's about
a dozen spit takes.
136
00:04:17,091 --> 00:04:18,890
Perfect amount.
Hey, you know what?
137
00:04:18,892 --> 00:04:20,459
Why don't we do it
in the basement?
138
00:04:20,461 --> 00:04:22,027
It'll be like our own
little theater.
139
00:04:22,029 --> 00:04:24,029
Down there, you can be as
messy as you want to be.
140
00:04:24,031 --> 00:04:26,231
Great. That way, no one
will hear me scream.
141
00:04:26,233 --> 00:04:27,699
This is gonna be the most
142
00:04:27,701 --> 00:04:29,201
age-inappropriate thing
we've ever seen.
(phone rings)
143
00:04:29,203 --> 00:04:31,770
Bob's Burgers:
it's a dead cow on a bun
144
00:04:31,772 --> 00:04:33,972
but it's still really fun.
Also, we're closed.
145
00:04:33,974 --> 00:04:35,574
Gene, it's me.
Oh, hi, Dad.
146
00:04:35,576 --> 00:04:37,209
Have you been answering
the phone like that?
147
00:04:37,211 --> 00:04:38,744
Yep. People love it.
148
00:04:38,746 --> 00:04:40,879
(sighs) Well, tell your mom
that I might be a little late.
149
00:04:40,881 --> 00:04:42,648
It's a really great sale, but...
150
00:04:42,650 --> 00:04:44,449
I'm kind of avoiding
an employee.
151
00:04:44,451 --> 00:04:46,285
Oh, sure.
That makes total sense.
152
00:04:46,287 --> 00:04:47,786
You're not having
an affair at all.
153
00:04:47,788 --> 00:04:49,721
Who is it?
Is it your secretary?
154
00:04:49,723 --> 00:04:52,457
Gene. Gene?
Oh, crap.
155
00:04:52,459 --> 00:04:54,426
Stupid phone.
156
00:04:54,428 --> 00:04:56,228
Hmm, this is pretty great.
157
00:04:56,230 --> 00:04:58,497
Maybe I'll get this tent.
Ooh, kind of expensive.
158
00:04:58,499 --> 00:05:01,300
That's not much of a discount.
Maybe not this tent.
159
00:05:01,302 --> 00:05:03,502
But one a lot like it.
160
00:05:03,504 --> 00:05:05,337
One that maybe smells like it.
161
00:05:05,339 --> 00:05:08,073
Or maybe a kayak
that smells like it.
162
00:05:08,075 --> 00:05:10,509
(excited laughing)
163
00:05:10,511 --> 00:05:11,443
Whoa.
164
00:05:11,445 --> 00:05:13,245
Whoo-hoo!
165
00:05:14,480 --> 00:05:17,416
Ah.
166
00:05:17,418 --> 00:05:19,184
Oh. That's weird.
167
00:05:19,186 --> 00:05:20,619
It's quiet and dark in here.
168
00:05:20,621 --> 00:05:23,255
Oh, my God.
It's quiet and dark in here!
169
00:05:23,257 --> 00:05:24,523
Crap, crap, crap, crap!
170
00:05:24,525 --> 00:05:27,125
Oh... I can't... can't get out!
171
00:05:27,127 --> 00:05:30,429
Can't... (grunting)
can't get out!
172
00:05:30,431 --> 00:05:32,864
Damn it! Oh! (groans)
173
00:05:32,866 --> 00:05:35,200
(panting) Oh, no, no,
no, no, no, no!
174
00:05:35,202 --> 00:05:38,103
Oh, no, they locked me in!
175
00:05:38,105 --> 00:05:41,106
And I slept through the sale!
No!
176
00:05:45,712 --> 00:05:47,979
All right. Stuck inside
Outdoor Adventure World.
177
00:05:47,981 --> 00:05:50,549
It's okay, I'll just try
the emergency exits.
178
00:05:50,551 --> 00:05:51,783
(metal clanks)
Crap.
179
00:05:51,785 --> 00:05:53,151
(metal clanking)
Crap.
180
00:05:53,153 --> 00:05:54,453
Crap!
181
00:05:54,455 --> 00:05:56,288
(grunts)
Crap. Crap. Crap. Crap!
182
00:05:56,290 --> 00:05:58,957
(sighs) All right, I can...
I can just call for help.
183
00:05:58,959 --> 00:06:00,325
Oh, no, I can't.
Phone's dead.
184
00:06:00,327 --> 00:06:02,694
Okay, uh, landline.
185
00:06:02,696 --> 00:06:04,963
Damn it.
186
00:06:04,965 --> 00:06:06,965
Aah! That's bright.
187
00:06:08,201 --> 00:06:10,402
Wait. Is that a motion sensor?
188
00:06:10,404 --> 00:06:11,970
Hey! Is there anyone there?
189
00:06:11,972 --> 00:06:14,339
I'm in here!
I'm stuck in here!
190
00:06:14,341 --> 00:06:16,475
(imitates police siren)
Come on!
191
00:06:16,477 --> 00:06:19,978
(groans) Linda and the kids
are probably worried sick.
192
00:06:19,980 --> 00:06:22,681
Your dad's probably upstairs
wondering where the heck we are.
193
00:06:22,683 --> 00:06:24,349
GENE AND LOUISE:
I'll go tell him.
I can go.
194
00:06:24,351 --> 00:06:25,550
I'll go.
No, no, I'll
just text him.
195
00:06:25,552 --> 00:06:26,918
It's all right, it's fine.
196
00:06:26,920 --> 00:06:28,420
Write on the phone
what you want to say to him
197
00:06:28,422 --> 00:06:30,255
and I'll run it up to him.
Shh!
198
00:06:30,257 --> 00:06:32,824
Chapter two: birth.
199
00:06:32,826 --> 00:06:36,495
My first studio apartment
was a cozy uterus.
200
00:06:36,497 --> 00:06:39,564
But, boy, was it small,
and the plumbing was a mess.
201
00:06:39,566 --> 00:06:42,601
But when I started to put up
a fight, I was evicted.
202
00:06:42,603 --> 00:06:45,504
(imitates crying)
203
00:06:45,506 --> 00:06:49,608
The hospital carelessly,
casually threw away my placenta,
204
00:06:49,610 --> 00:06:52,778
and in some ways,
I've never recovered.
205
00:06:52,780 --> 00:06:54,946
(kids gasp)
Ugh, it's wet. Why is it wet?
206
00:06:54,948 --> 00:06:56,448
Oh, God, get it off,
get it off.
207
00:06:56,450 --> 00:06:59,217
Chapter three:
day one of my life.
208
00:06:59,219 --> 00:07:00,886
Where it all went wrong...
209
00:07:00,888 --> 00:07:02,521
and then right and then wrong.
210
00:07:02,523 --> 00:07:04,756
Okay, tried that door already.
211
00:07:04,758 --> 00:07:07,225
That door's locked.
That's the bathroom.
212
00:07:07,227 --> 00:07:08,627
That's where I went
to the bathroom
213
00:07:08,629 --> 00:07:10,228
when I didn't know
there was a bathroom.
214
00:07:10,230 --> 00:07:11,396
Glad no one was here for that.
215
00:07:11,398 --> 00:07:12,431
Hi.
(screams)
216
00:07:12,433 --> 00:07:15,200
It's Austin!
Huh... I, I, I,
217
00:07:15,202 --> 00:07:17,302
I remember.
I didn't get your name.
218
00:07:17,304 --> 00:07:19,371
Uh, Bob.
Hey, Bob.
219
00:07:19,373 --> 00:07:20,806
Wh-- What are you
doing here?
220
00:07:20,808 --> 00:07:23,208
Well, my big Appalachian
trip starts next week
221
00:07:23,210 --> 00:07:25,110
and I didn't feel like paying
a whole month's rent.
222
00:07:25,112 --> 00:07:26,445
What are you doing here?
223
00:07:26,447 --> 00:07:28,413
I, uh, fell asleep
in that tent.
224
00:07:28,415 --> 00:07:30,282
Ha! Nice, man.
225
00:07:30,284 --> 00:07:32,751
Wait, where have you been
this whole time?
226
00:07:32,753 --> 00:07:33,952
Oh, I've been hanging out
in the back office
227
00:07:33,954 --> 00:07:35,487
listening to my audiobook.
228
00:07:35,489 --> 00:07:37,989
Don't Wipe with That:
Hiking the Appalachian Trail.
229
00:07:37,991 --> 00:07:40,559
It doesn't actually work that
well as an audiobook, though.
230
00:07:40,561 --> 00:07:42,494
I feel like the illustrations
are probably important.
231
00:07:42,496 --> 00:07:43,929
Okay, yeah.
Um, can you please show me
232
00:07:43,931 --> 00:07:45,497
how to get out of here?
233
00:07:45,499 --> 00:07:48,834
Hmm... I don't really know
if there is a way out.
234
00:07:48,836 --> 00:07:50,602
They locked and chained
all the doors.
235
00:07:50,604 --> 00:07:52,637
Well, how were you planning
on getting out?
236
00:07:52,639 --> 00:07:54,606
Oh, I was just gonna wait
until the moving crew comes
237
00:07:54,608 --> 00:07:56,241
to get the rest of
the merch in six days.
238
00:07:56,243 --> 00:07:58,076
No one's coming here
for six days?
239
00:07:58,078 --> 00:07:59,945
No, today's the last
day of the sale.
240
00:07:59,947 --> 00:08:01,413
Store's closed forever.
241
00:08:01,415 --> 00:08:02,647
Oh, my God.
242
00:08:02,649 --> 00:08:03,782
Wh-- What about
the alarm system?
243
00:08:03,784 --> 00:08:05,350
Why isn't that working?
244
00:08:05,352 --> 00:08:08,453
Ah, I turned that off so no one
would know I'm here.
245
00:08:08,455 --> 00:08:10,088
Well, if you turned it off,
does that mean
246
00:08:10,090 --> 00:08:12,424
you can turn it back on and then
I could use it to get out?
247
00:08:12,426 --> 00:08:14,626
Okay, yeah, if you
don't tell the guards
248
00:08:14,628 --> 00:08:15,794
that I'm here when
they come for you.
249
00:08:15,796 --> 00:08:17,362
Um, sure.
250
00:08:17,364 --> 00:08:19,364
(beeps)
251
00:08:19,366 --> 00:08:20,999
All right, give 'em a wave, Bob.
252
00:08:22,034 --> 00:08:23,869
(bell ringing)
BOB: Yes!
253
00:08:23,871 --> 00:08:26,037
It's working!
The alarm is working!
254
00:08:26,039 --> 00:08:28,106
(laughs) Look how
excited you get.
255
00:08:28,108 --> 00:08:29,207
All right,
I'm gonna go hide.
256
00:08:29,209 --> 00:08:30,609
Don't tell 'em I'm here.
257
00:08:30,611 --> 00:08:32,777
Actually, yeah, no,
tell 'em I'm not here.
258
00:08:32,779 --> 00:08:36,348
You want me to explicitly tell
them that you're not here?
259
00:08:36,350 --> 00:08:37,616
Yes. No.
260
00:08:37,618 --> 00:08:39,317
Uh, but tell them
that I said hi.
261
00:08:39,319 --> 00:08:41,152
No, wait, that doesn't...
Never mind!
262
00:08:41,154 --> 00:08:43,788
(ringing continues)
263
00:08:43,790 --> 00:08:45,490
This place is locked up,
but I didn't see
264
00:08:45,492 --> 00:08:47,626
any signs of a break-in.
You?
Nope.
265
00:08:47,628 --> 00:08:49,494
False alarm.
Shut it down.
266
00:08:49,496 --> 00:08:50,962
Eh. This isn't so hard.
267
00:08:50,964 --> 00:08:52,864
Why'd they say
this job was hard?
268
00:08:52,866 --> 00:08:55,133
It... stopped.
Nobody's coming in.
269
00:08:55,135 --> 00:08:57,569
I'm gonna set it off again.
270
00:08:57,571 --> 00:08:58,970
(groans) It's not working.
271
00:08:58,972 --> 00:09:00,839
Oh, sometimes if
they get a false alarm
272
00:09:00,841 --> 00:09:02,007
they just shut it off.
273
00:09:02,009 --> 00:09:03,341
But this isn't a false alarm,
274
00:09:03,343 --> 00:09:04,743
this is a real alarm.
275
00:09:04,745 --> 00:09:07,045
Well, I know that.
They don't know that.
276
00:09:07,047 --> 00:09:09,047
W-- Will you please just
put the code in again?
277
00:09:09,049 --> 00:09:10,882
(beeping)
278
00:09:10,884 --> 00:09:12,884
Yep, this thing's shut off.
Oh, great.
279
00:09:12,886 --> 00:09:15,153
Yeah, they're not the
best security company.
280
00:09:15,155 --> 00:09:18,256
It was my second sophomore year
in junior college,
281
00:09:18,258 --> 00:09:20,358
and I took a trip
to New York City
282
00:09:20,360 --> 00:09:23,862
with my friend Stacy Micelli
and my sister Linda.
283
00:09:23,864 --> 00:09:26,031
Mom, that's you.
Name drop.
284
00:09:26,033 --> 00:09:27,566
We were in the denim district,
285
00:09:27,568 --> 00:09:30,168
waiting in line to buy
knock-off jean bras,
286
00:09:30,170 --> 00:09:32,203
when an elegant woman walked by.
287
00:09:32,205 --> 00:09:33,905
I looked up,
she looked at me,
288
00:09:33,907 --> 00:09:35,774
and she gave me a wink
and the finger guns.
289
00:09:35,776 --> 00:09:40,879
Pew-pew! And that woman was...
Delta Burke.
290
00:09:40,881 --> 00:09:43,448
(gasps)
It was the briefest of gestures,
291
00:09:43,450 --> 00:09:45,517
but it meant so much to me.
292
00:09:45,519 --> 00:09:47,118
A Designing Woman.
293
00:09:47,120 --> 00:09:50,455
That moment helped design...
this woman.
294
00:09:50,457 --> 00:09:52,090
(swoons)
295
00:09:52,092 --> 00:09:54,926
And now a quick intermission
while I change into a leotard
296
00:09:54,928 --> 00:09:56,361
for the next part of the show:
297
00:09:56,363 --> 00:09:59,030
Chapter 32:
TGI Lie-Days:
298
00:09:59,032 --> 00:10:01,132
Why you shouldn't date
any of the bartenders
299
00:10:01,134 --> 00:10:04,135
at TGI Fridays...
especially Dave.
300
00:10:04,137 --> 00:10:05,770
Unbelievable.
Seriously,
301
00:10:05,772 --> 00:10:07,639
it's hard to believe
Aunt Gayle was close enough
302
00:10:07,641 --> 00:10:09,407
to have
smelt-a the Delta.
303
00:10:09,409 --> 00:10:11,309
Yeah, hard to believe because
it didn't happen to her.
304
00:10:11,311 --> 00:10:12,911
It happened to me.
305
00:10:12,913 --> 00:10:15,780
Wait, Mom, are you saying
that Aunt Gayle stole
306
00:10:15,782 --> 00:10:18,416
your Delta Burke wink
and finger gun story?
307
00:10:18,418 --> 00:10:20,919
Yeah, it was me who
got winked and gunned.
308
00:10:20,921 --> 00:10:23,254
We had a connection.
I'll never forget her eyes.
309
00:10:23,256 --> 00:10:25,156
If it bothers you,
you should say something, Mom.
310
00:10:25,158 --> 00:10:26,591
Yeah, something vulgar.
311
00:10:26,593 --> 00:10:28,126
No, no, it's fine.
312
00:10:28,128 --> 00:10:29,894
It means so much to her,
let her have it.
313
00:10:29,896 --> 00:10:30,996
I've got a good life.
314
00:10:30,998 --> 00:10:33,064
And one hot son.
315
00:10:33,066 --> 00:10:34,633
More jerky? No?
316
00:10:34,635 --> 00:10:36,968
Would it help if we gave
each other trail names?
317
00:10:36,970 --> 00:10:39,004
I'm gonna call you...
Friendly Breath.
318
00:10:39,006 --> 00:10:40,338
What's mine? Give me one.
319
00:10:40,340 --> 00:10:42,273
Please, just tell me
there's another way out.
320
00:10:42,275 --> 00:10:43,608
What about Cool Breeze?
321
00:10:43,610 --> 00:10:45,010
You think I could
be a Cool Breeze?
322
00:10:45,012 --> 00:10:46,511
You know? Kind of see
that? Like, uh...
323
00:10:46,513 --> 00:10:47,946
I don't know, you know
who I'm talking about?
324
00:10:47,948 --> 00:10:49,981
Austin, please, is there
another way out of here?
325
00:10:49,983 --> 00:10:52,183
I-I have a family,
I-I can't sit here
326
00:10:52,185 --> 00:10:54,586
and eat jerky with you
for the next six days.
327
00:10:54,588 --> 00:10:56,621
Okay, fine.
328
00:10:56,623 --> 00:10:59,457
Well, there is
one other way out.
329
00:10:59,459 --> 00:11:00,458
Really? What is it?
330
00:11:00,460 --> 00:11:02,694
(whistles)
Skylight.
331
00:11:02,696 --> 00:11:04,429
You can't be serious.
332
00:11:04,431 --> 00:11:06,998
How would we
even get up there?
What?
333
00:11:07,000 --> 00:11:08,967
We've got a whole variety
of climbing options
334
00:11:08,969 --> 00:11:10,368
over on aisle 14.
335
00:11:10,370 --> 00:11:12,337
Uh, no to that. No.
336
00:11:12,339 --> 00:11:15,607
Well, the other option is me
and you doing this for six days.
337
00:11:15,609 --> 00:11:18,610
Cool Breeze and Friendly Breath,
bonding up a storm.
338
00:11:18,612 --> 00:11:21,012
Yeah, that's the stuff.
Breath and Breeze!
339
00:11:21,014 --> 00:11:23,548
Okay, let's climb.
340
00:11:23,550 --> 00:11:25,183
Great!
This is gonna be fun.
341
00:11:25,185 --> 00:11:26,851
Quick question:
how big is your crotch?
What?
342
00:11:26,853 --> 00:11:28,353
For your harness;
you look like a medium,
343
00:11:28,355 --> 00:11:29,688
but I don't
want to assume.
344
00:11:34,026 --> 00:11:35,326
This is so exciting.
345
00:11:35,328 --> 00:11:36,795
We're gonna climb
to the skylight.
346
00:11:36,797 --> 00:11:38,563
What exactly is the plan?
347
00:11:38,565 --> 00:11:40,165
Well, I was thinking
348
00:11:40,167 --> 00:11:41,833
we could use a crossbow
to shoot a fishing line
349
00:11:41,835 --> 00:11:43,201
over that girder.
350
00:11:43,203 --> 00:11:45,837
Okay.
It's called
"line launching."
351
00:11:45,839 --> 00:11:47,739
Have you seen
Cliffhanger?
Oh, no.
352
00:11:47,741 --> 00:11:49,140
What about
Vertical Limit?
No.
353
00:11:49,142 --> 00:11:50,875
Really? So good.
354
00:11:50,877 --> 00:11:52,911
But also terrifying, so I'm
glad you haven't seen them.
355
00:11:52,913 --> 00:11:54,546
Lots of people die
in those movies.
356
00:11:54,548 --> 00:11:57,148
Oh, my God.
Anyway, once
we're both up there,
357
00:11:57,150 --> 00:11:59,851
we crack the skylight
with an ice axe, aisle seven,
358
00:11:59,853 --> 00:12:01,986
then you're on the roof
and down the fire escape.
359
00:12:01,988 --> 00:12:04,022
Oh... I hate all of this.
360
00:12:04,024 --> 00:12:06,825
Hey, do you want the blue
gloves or the brown gloves?
Uh, whichever.
361
00:12:06,827 --> 00:12:08,359
How about this? On
the count of three,
362
00:12:08,361 --> 00:12:09,861
we just say which
ones we want, okay?
363
00:12:09,863 --> 00:12:11,262
One, two, three.
364
00:12:11,264 --> 00:12:12,664
Blue.
I don't care.
365
00:12:12,666 --> 00:12:14,165
Great! I'll
take the blue.
366
00:12:14,167 --> 00:12:17,535
So now, when I look at myself
in the mirror,
367
00:12:17,537 --> 00:12:19,170
I do one of these...
(clicks tongue)
368
00:12:19,172 --> 00:12:21,172
...and two of these.
Pew! Pew!
369
00:12:21,174 --> 00:12:23,408
And... I'm flying Delta!
370
00:12:23,410 --> 00:12:26,277
Thank you! Thank you!
371
00:12:26,279 --> 00:12:28,346
(Linda grumbles
gibberish)
372
00:12:28,348 --> 00:12:30,448
Mom.
Oh. Oh, bravo!
373
00:12:30,450 --> 00:12:32,283
Bravo.
Great job!
374
00:12:32,285 --> 00:12:34,619
Whew! Okay, so tell me
what worked and what didn't,
375
00:12:34,621 --> 00:12:36,020
and be honest.
376
00:12:36,022 --> 00:12:37,422
Just remember,
I hate criticism.
377
00:12:37,424 --> 00:12:38,957
Mm, it all
worked so well.
378
00:12:38,959 --> 00:12:40,358
Mm-hmm, uh-huh.
You didn't think
379
00:12:40,360 --> 00:12:41,960
the menstruation scene
was too much?
380
00:12:41,962 --> 00:12:44,062
I think it would work
without the bubble machine,
381
00:12:44,064 --> 00:12:45,697
but who am I to judge?
Disagree.
382
00:12:45,699 --> 00:12:47,632
Let's be honest, the
show really gets going
383
00:12:47,634 --> 00:12:49,100
with that Delta
Burke story.
384
00:12:49,102 --> 00:12:50,869
Tell us more
about that!
385
00:12:50,871 --> 00:12:52,403
(Linda grumbles
gibberish)
386
00:12:52,405 --> 00:12:53,705
You know what I think?
387
00:12:53,707 --> 00:12:56,708
I think she saw a little bit
of herself in me.
388
00:12:56,710 --> 00:12:59,244
Mm-hmm. Yeah, that was it. Mm.
389
00:12:59,246 --> 00:13:00,745
Linda, you were there.
What was it like
390
00:13:00,747 --> 00:13:02,280
when you saw Delta Burke
wink at me?
391
00:13:02,282 --> 00:13:03,715
Yeah, what
was it like?
392
00:13:03,717 --> 00:13:05,116
It was... great.
393
00:13:05,118 --> 00:13:06,551
It was really great.
394
00:13:06,553 --> 00:13:08,052
When she shined
her light on me.
395
00:13:08,054 --> 00:13:10,755
Yeah, it was just so... Mm. Mm!
396
00:13:10,757 --> 00:13:12,423
Was it painful for you?
397
00:13:12,425 --> 00:13:14,726
Was it cold there in my shadow?
398
00:13:14,728 --> 00:13:17,128
Oh, it didn't happen to you,
okay?! It happened to me!
399
00:13:17,130 --> 00:13:18,730
What?
She winked at me!
400
00:13:18,732 --> 00:13:20,131
And finger-gunned me!
401
00:13:20,133 --> 00:13:21,599
You stole my story!
402
00:13:21,601 --> 00:13:23,101
You Delta-burgled it!
403
00:13:23,103 --> 00:13:25,837
Oh, I see.
You're jealous.
404
00:13:25,839 --> 00:13:28,406
Kids, let's go upstairs
and go to bed because it's late,
405
00:13:28,408 --> 00:13:29,774
and your father's
probably wondering
406
00:13:29,776 --> 00:13:31,142
what we're still doing
down here.
407
00:13:31,144 --> 00:13:32,977
Great show, Gayle,
except for all the lies.
408
00:13:32,979 --> 00:13:34,946
How dare you, Linda?!
409
00:13:34,948 --> 00:13:36,948
Ladies, ladies, ladies,
there's somebody else
410
00:13:36,950 --> 00:13:38,917
who was there.
We have a witness.
411
00:13:38,919 --> 00:13:40,418
(gasps)
That little Amish boy!
412
00:13:40,420 --> 00:13:42,120
No. Stacy Micelli.
413
00:13:42,122 --> 00:13:44,189
Oh, yeah. Maybe we can
find her number and call her.
414
00:13:44,191 --> 00:13:45,623
She can tell us
what really happened.
415
00:13:45,625 --> 00:13:47,125
Fine, then. Let's do it.
416
00:13:47,127 --> 00:13:48,593
We'll call Stacy Micelli,
417
00:13:48,595 --> 00:13:50,461
we'll wake her up,
and we'll settle this.
418
00:13:50,463 --> 00:13:52,030
Unless... you're scared.
419
00:13:52,032 --> 00:13:54,666
I'm... not... scared.
420
00:13:54,668 --> 00:13:56,100
Pew, pew.
421
00:13:56,102 --> 00:13:57,936
Don't you "pew, pew" me.
422
00:13:57,938 --> 00:14:00,538
I "pew, pew"
you! Pew! Pew!
Uh, pew! Pew!
423
00:14:00,540 --> 00:14:02,607
Pew, pew, pew, pew,
pew, pew-pew-pew-pew.
Pew, pew, pew, pew.
424
00:14:02,609 --> 00:14:04,542
Pew, pew, pew, pew, pew, pew.
Pew, pew, pew, pew, pew,
infinity!
425
00:14:04,544 --> 00:14:06,811
This is my favorite part
of the show so far!
Pew.
426
00:14:06,813 --> 00:14:08,513
Sorry you had to wear
that teen harness, Bob.
427
00:14:08,515 --> 00:14:10,348
(straining):
Oh, it's fine.
428
00:14:10,350 --> 00:14:13,718
So, when I get to the top, you
just do what I did, all right?
429
00:14:13,720 --> 00:14:15,787
Right.
(grunting)
430
00:14:15,789 --> 00:14:17,622
There we go. (grunts)
431
00:14:17,624 --> 00:14:19,290
This would all be so much funner
432
00:14:19,292 --> 00:14:20,792
if you'd seen Vertical Limit!
433
00:14:20,794 --> 00:14:23,194
Okay, we're all tied off
up here.
434
00:14:23,196 --> 00:14:24,662
Climb on, Bob!
435
00:14:24,664 --> 00:14:26,564
Okay. (grunts)
436
00:14:26,566 --> 00:14:28,800
(rope squeaks)
I don't know if I can...
437
00:14:28,802 --> 00:14:30,802
(airy panting)
...pull myself up.
438
00:14:30,804 --> 00:14:32,804
You can do this, Bob.
Keep going!
439
00:14:32,806 --> 00:14:35,373
(whimpering)
Am I almost there?
440
00:14:35,375 --> 00:14:36,808
Uh, sort of.
441
00:14:36,810 --> 00:14:39,544
So tired. So, so tired.
442
00:14:39,546 --> 00:14:41,479
Oh. I'm gonna take a break.
443
00:14:41,481 --> 00:14:43,581
Okay. This is really
an early break.
444
00:14:43,583 --> 00:14:45,416
Actually, can I take
two breaks together?
445
00:14:45,418 --> 00:14:47,418
Bob, this is gonna be easy...
(yelling)
446
00:14:47,420 --> 00:14:49,053
(Bob gasps, Austin yells)
447
00:14:49,055 --> 00:14:50,521
Oh. (grunts) Oh.
(groans)
448
00:14:50,523 --> 00:14:53,391
(screams)
Aah! Okay, okay, not good!
449
00:14:53,393 --> 00:14:54,826
Austin, what happened?!
450
00:14:54,828 --> 00:14:56,527
Uh, well, to be honest,
451
00:14:56,529 --> 00:14:58,830
I don't know about
those knots I tied.
452
00:14:58,832 --> 00:15:00,999
Wait. What does that mean?
Were they not knots?
453
00:15:01,001 --> 00:15:02,500
They were not not knots.
454
00:15:02,502 --> 00:15:04,035
They just, you know,
weren't, like...
455
00:15:04,037 --> 00:15:05,603
They weren't, like,
the best knots.
456
00:15:05,605 --> 00:15:07,605
What?! Don't you do this
all the time?
457
00:15:07,607 --> 00:15:09,674
Uh, this was kind
of my first time.
458
00:15:09,676 --> 00:15:12,577
What?! I thought you said you
used everything in the store.
459
00:15:12,579 --> 00:15:14,779
No, I said I demoed
everything in the store.
460
00:15:14,781 --> 00:15:16,514
Very different, okay?
461
00:15:16,516 --> 00:15:19,050
Look, the sales rep comes,
you know, we talk shop,
462
00:15:19,052 --> 00:15:22,020
he shows me the merch, and...
and then I go sell it.
463
00:15:22,022 --> 00:15:23,855
(whimpers)
His name's Pablo!
464
00:15:23,857 --> 00:15:26,224
So you've never actually used
this stuff in the real world?
465
00:15:26,226 --> 00:15:27,892
I mean, not like Pablo.
466
00:15:27,894 --> 00:15:30,428
So, what if I, uh, uh,
try and pull on this?
467
00:15:30,430 --> 00:15:32,230
No, no, no, no,
don't touch that rope!
468
00:15:32,232 --> 00:15:33,798
Aren't you attached
to that rope?
469
00:15:33,800 --> 00:15:36,567
Not, like, that much.
Not as much as I'd like.
470
00:15:36,569 --> 00:15:38,636
Oh.
Well, it's up
to you now, Bob.
471
00:15:38,638 --> 00:15:40,104
Wait. What's up to me?!
472
00:15:40,106 --> 00:15:42,240
You got to climb out of here
and get help.
473
00:15:42,242 --> 00:15:43,608
How am I supposed to do that?!
474
00:15:43,610 --> 00:15:45,143
(laughing):
It's fine. It's fine.
475
00:15:45,145 --> 00:15:47,545
You're... you're just
gonna have to...
476
00:15:47,547 --> 00:15:49,447
free-climb up to the skylight.
477
00:15:49,449 --> 00:15:51,382
Free-climb up
to the skylight?!
478
00:15:51,384 --> 00:15:53,117
Yeah. I was trying
to say it casually,
479
00:15:53,119 --> 00:15:54,919
you know, so you wouldn't
get freaked out.
480
00:15:54,921 --> 00:15:57,889
That didn't work.
I-I'm totally freaked out.
481
00:15:57,891 --> 00:15:59,757
Okay. Side note: I'm gonna
have to pee soon, okay?
482
00:15:59,759 --> 00:16:01,793
And at this angle, it's
gonna get weird fast.
483
00:16:06,131 --> 00:16:08,399
Is that for my pee,
or in case I fall?
484
00:16:08,401 --> 00:16:09,634
Both, I guess.
485
00:16:09,636 --> 00:16:10,902
M-Mostly the fall.
486
00:16:10,904 --> 00:16:13,338
But I'm gonna fall
in my own pee.
487
00:16:13,340 --> 00:16:15,640
Well, maybe hold it then?
Just a thought.
488
00:16:15,642 --> 00:16:17,175
I should've gone
before I climbed.
489
00:16:17,177 --> 00:16:18,743
It's the first rule of climbing!
490
00:16:18,745 --> 00:16:20,611
That can't be the first rule
of climbing.
491
00:16:20,613 --> 00:16:22,914
All right, I'm-I'm gonna climb
the wall now.
492
00:16:22,916 --> 00:16:24,515
I can't believe I'm saying that.
493
00:16:24,517 --> 00:16:26,818
Should I just clip into
this safety rope right here?
494
00:16:26,820 --> 00:16:29,087
Sure! I mean, it's not connected
to anything, but
495
00:16:29,089 --> 00:16:30,655
sounds like you're
getting into it!
496
00:16:30,657 --> 00:16:33,925
Oh, my God.
Uh, this wall is for, like,
497
00:16:33,927 --> 00:16:35,326
advanced climbers, right?
498
00:16:35,328 --> 00:16:36,828
I mean, technically,
it's for beginners
499
00:16:36,830 --> 00:16:39,197
but maybe, like,
advanced beginners?
500
00:16:39,199 --> 00:16:42,100
Listen, Bob, I feel like
I want to say something.
501
00:16:42,102 --> 00:16:45,937
I... I realize now that I'm...
I'm not an outdoors guy.
502
00:16:45,939 --> 00:16:47,872
Maybe I never will be
an outdoors guy.
503
00:16:47,874 --> 00:16:49,474
Maybe I'm just a poser
504
00:16:49,476 --> 00:16:51,809
who sells outdoor equipment
really, really well.
505
00:16:51,811 --> 00:16:53,845
And looks really,
really good in it.
506
00:16:53,847 --> 00:16:55,780
Even right now probably.
I don't know.
507
00:16:55,782 --> 00:16:58,449
Listen, Austin.
(grunts) I get it, I do.
508
00:16:58,451 --> 00:17:00,618
I-I love this stuff, too,
and I don't know
509
00:17:00,620 --> 00:17:02,453
if I'm actually that serious
about using it
510
00:17:02,455 --> 00:17:04,455
out in the wilderness,
but I love it.
511
00:17:04,457 --> 00:17:06,190
And maybe that's okay.
512
00:17:06,192 --> 00:17:08,526
I mean, I was looking
at that folding shovel.
513
00:17:08,528 --> 00:17:11,863
I'm not even sure if that's what
it is, but I want one so much.
514
00:17:11,865 --> 00:17:13,331
Oh, the folding shovel.
515
00:17:13,333 --> 00:17:14,732
(chuckles)
I have three.
516
00:17:14,734 --> 00:17:16,234
They're in my car.
517
00:17:16,236 --> 00:17:17,969
I wish everything folded.
Yeah.
518
00:17:17,971 --> 00:17:20,805
Ugh, but you know... (chuckles)
I don't even know
519
00:17:20,807 --> 00:17:22,206
if I even want
to hike the Appalachian Trail.
520
00:17:22,208 --> 00:17:23,641
I just planned it because Lisa
521
00:17:23,643 --> 00:17:24,909
from the cycling department
was going.
522
00:17:24,911 --> 00:17:26,744
She's so pretty.
523
00:17:26,746 --> 00:17:29,514
Austin, let-let's come back to
you in a minute. Is that okay?
524
00:17:29,516 --> 00:17:32,650
I just feel like I need to focus
on the climbing part right now.
525
00:17:32,652 --> 00:17:34,419
Just one more thing.
She smells like coconuts.
526
00:17:34,421 --> 00:17:36,354
That's it. Okay,
all right, climb on, Bob!
527
00:17:36,356 --> 00:17:39,390
So you're calling me
at 11:45 p.m.
528
00:17:39,392 --> 00:17:42,860
to ask me if it was you or Linda
who Delta Burke winked at
529
00:17:42,862 --> 00:17:46,597
and finger-gunned
20 years ago in New York City?
530
00:17:46,599 --> 00:17:48,699
Yes.
And to see
how you're doing. Hi.
531
00:17:48,701 --> 00:17:50,201
But mostly the
other thing.
532
00:17:50,203 --> 00:17:52,537
Also, Linda's kids are here--
Tina, Gene and Louise.
533
00:17:52,539 --> 00:17:55,239
We're great.
Don't mind us.
We just want to know the truth!
534
00:17:55,241 --> 00:17:58,242
Please don't yell at me,
strange boy.
I like her!
535
00:17:58,244 --> 00:17:59,944
Listen, here's
what happened that day.
536
00:17:59,946 --> 00:18:01,012
Moment of truth.
537
00:18:01,014 --> 00:18:03,381
That wasn't Delta Burke.
(both gasp)
538
00:18:03,383 --> 00:18:05,183
BOTH:
What?
It wasn't?
Wha-What?
539
00:18:05,185 --> 00:18:07,285
First of all,
she was speaking Italian.
540
00:18:07,287 --> 00:18:09,020
Second,
she had a prosthetic leg.
541
00:18:09,022 --> 00:18:11,756
And third, Delta Burke was
shooting a movie-of-the-week
542
00:18:11,758 --> 00:18:13,691
in California
at that very moment.
543
00:18:13,693 --> 00:18:15,593
We argued about this
for the rest of the trip,
544
00:18:15,595 --> 00:18:17,261
and then we never spoke again.
545
00:18:17,263 --> 00:18:19,964
But thanks so much for calling.
546
00:18:19,966 --> 00:18:21,966
It wasn't Delta Burke?
547
00:18:21,968 --> 00:18:23,634
I guess not.
548
00:18:23,636 --> 00:18:25,636
What a
journey.
(crying)
549
00:18:25,638 --> 00:18:27,205
You know
what?
550
00:18:27,207 --> 00:18:29,540
I think Stacy is jealous.
551
00:18:29,542 --> 00:18:31,442
And I think
it was Delta Burke,
552
00:18:31,444 --> 00:18:33,411
and it was you
that Delta winked at.
553
00:18:33,413 --> 00:18:35,379
Oh. You do?
Yeah, I do.
554
00:18:35,381 --> 00:18:37,548
And you shouldn't change
a thing in your show.
555
00:18:37,550 --> 00:18:38,783
I mean,
you could take some cuts.
556
00:18:38,785 --> 00:18:40,151
Shh. Tina, shh.
557
00:18:40,153 --> 00:18:41,719
Aw, Lin, thank you.
558
00:18:41,721 --> 00:18:43,621
Hey, I got
something for you.
559
00:18:43,623 --> 00:18:45,056
Pew! Pew!
560
00:18:45,058 --> 00:18:47,725
Aw, right back at ya.
Pew! Pew!
561
00:18:47,727 --> 00:18:50,061
I think I maybe don't
understand "pew, pew."
562
00:18:50,063 --> 00:18:52,263
Sometimes it's angry,
sometimes it's friendly.
563
00:18:52,265 --> 00:18:54,165
Is "pew, pew"
like "aloha"?
564
00:18:54,167 --> 00:18:56,400
(groaning)
You're doing great, Bob!
565
00:18:56,402 --> 00:18:58,736
I can't see you 'cause I'm
facing the other direction,
566
00:18:58,738 --> 00:19:00,138
but it sounds like
you're doing great.
567
00:19:00,140 --> 00:19:02,240
(groans)
Thanks, Austin.
568
00:19:02,242 --> 00:19:04,242
Oh, I can see you!
(groaning)
569
00:19:04,244 --> 00:19:05,676
Ha, nice, Bob!
570
00:19:05,678 --> 00:19:07,278
You're almost
up the wall!
571
00:19:07,280 --> 00:19:10,081
Oh, I hate rock climbing.
I know that now.
572
00:19:14,286 --> 00:19:15,686
(groans)
573
00:19:15,688 --> 00:19:17,421
Oh, my God, I did it.
574
00:19:17,423 --> 00:19:18,823
I climbed the wall.
575
00:19:18,825 --> 00:19:21,092
Whoa, whoa, I-I'm really high.
576
00:19:21,094 --> 00:19:23,661
O-Okay, now I just have to...
577
00:19:23,663 --> 00:19:27,131
scooch along this girder
over to the skylight.
578
00:19:27,133 --> 00:19:28,866
I love the way you say "scooch"!
579
00:19:28,868 --> 00:19:30,868
It's not technically correct,
but I do enjoy
580
00:19:30,870 --> 00:19:32,670
hearing you say things
you're doing, Bob.
581
00:19:32,672 --> 00:19:35,339
Okay, this feels really scary.
582
00:19:35,341 --> 00:19:38,176
(whimpering)
583
00:19:38,178 --> 00:19:41,179
Man, I wonder how
high up we are.
584
00:19:41,181 --> 00:19:43,147
40, maybe 50 feet?
585
00:19:43,149 --> 00:19:45,016
Austin, please,
not a good time.
586
00:19:45,018 --> 00:19:46,484
You're even higher than me.
587
00:19:46,486 --> 00:19:48,219
You're more like 60 feet up.
588
00:19:48,221 --> 00:19:49,720
Ha! Aren't you scared?
589
00:19:49,722 --> 00:19:52,223
No. No, Austin, not at all.
590
00:19:53,525 --> 00:19:55,560
I made it! I'm there!
591
00:19:55,562 --> 00:19:58,396
You did it! I think.
I can't tell. I'm twisting now.
592
00:19:58,398 --> 00:20:00,164
Okay, there you are.
593
00:20:00,166 --> 00:20:02,133
Man, that harness is tight!
594
00:20:02,135 --> 00:20:04,335
All right, here I go.
I'm gonna break the skylight.
595
00:20:04,337 --> 00:20:05,736
Hey, Bob.
Yeah?
596
00:20:05,738 --> 00:20:07,838
Before you go,
I want you to know that...
597
00:20:07,840 --> 00:20:09,207
I love you.
598
00:20:09,209 --> 00:20:11,709
I, uh... I-I love you, too.
599
00:20:11,711 --> 00:20:13,411
And, also,
don't forget to get help.
600
00:20:13,413 --> 00:20:15,546
You're gonna have
to call, like, everybody.
601
00:20:15,548 --> 00:20:17,682
Uh, police, fire, my boss.
602
00:20:17,684 --> 00:20:19,417
Maybe Lisa from cycling.
603
00:20:19,419 --> 00:20:22,687
No. I know. I'm gonna get
to a phone and call everybody.
604
00:20:22,689 --> 00:20:25,590
Great! Now break that skylight,
Friendly Breath!
605
00:20:25,592 --> 00:20:27,558
You steely-eyed mountain man!
606
00:20:27,560 --> 00:20:29,927
(screams)
607
00:20:29,929 --> 00:20:31,495
Yes! (laughs)
608
00:20:31,497 --> 00:20:33,431
You did it!
609
00:20:33,433 --> 00:20:35,733
I'm so proud of you,
I'm crying, Bob!
610
00:20:35,735 --> 00:20:37,235
(crying)
611
00:20:37,237 --> 00:20:40,371
Some of it's pee,
but most of it's tears!
612
00:20:40,373 --> 00:20:43,274
(laughing):
Yes!
613
00:20:43,276 --> 00:20:44,976
Yes!
614
00:20:46,278 --> 00:20:47,712
So it was
Delta Burke?
615
00:20:47,714 --> 00:20:49,113
I-I'm confused.
616
00:20:49,115 --> 00:20:50,781
It's whoever
you want it to be.
617
00:20:50,783 --> 00:20:52,183
Aren't we all
Delta Burke?
618
00:20:52,185 --> 00:20:53,918
That's right, Gene.
619
00:20:53,920 --> 00:20:56,854
So, did we talk enough about
how I climbed a 40-foot wall
620
00:20:56,856 --> 00:20:58,289
and then escaped
through a skylight?
621
00:20:58,291 --> 00:21:00,024
I think we covered
it pretty well,
622
00:21:00,026 --> 00:21:01,959
and we definitely
believe you.
623
00:21:01,961 --> 00:21:04,629
Watch out. Mom's gonna start
telling people she did it.
624
00:21:04,631 --> 00:21:06,731
It's nice you made
a new best friend.
625
00:21:06,733 --> 00:21:08,399
Austin and I
are not best friends.
626
00:21:08,401 --> 00:21:10,601
We're just going shopping
together next weekend.
627
00:21:10,603 --> 00:21:12,937
We're gonna check out
this new outdoor omelet pan.
628
00:21:12,939 --> 00:21:15,106
You lost me at "outdoor,"
you had me at "omelet,"
629
00:21:15,108 --> 00:21:16,874
and then you lost me
again at "pan."
630
00:21:16,876 --> 00:21:18,943
("I Want to Take You Higher"
playing)
631
00:21:22,547 --> 00:21:26,050
BOB:
♪ Hey, higher ♪
632
00:21:26,052 --> 00:21:30,421
♪ I want to take you higher ♪
633
00:21:30,423 --> 00:21:34,825
♪ I want to take you
higher ♪
634
00:21:34,827 --> 00:21:38,296
♪ I want to take you higher ♪
635
00:21:40,565 --> 00:21:43,534
♪ Boom, shaka-laka-laka,
boom, shaka-laka-laka. ♪
636
00:21:49,908 --> 00:21:51,976
Captioned by
Media Access Group at WGBH
637
00:21:54,246 --> 00:21:56,314
You've just watched
Bob's Burgers.
Ow!
638
00:21:56,316 --> 00:21:58,816
Now here are a few more shows
to check out from Fox.
639
00:21:59,985 --> 00:22:02,119
MAN: Welcome to Camp Grit.
640
00:22:02,121 --> 00:22:04,855
The competitors coming here
may think this will be
fun and games,
641
00:22:04,857 --> 00:22:07,491
but we're here because
you've either lost your grit
642
00:22:07,493 --> 00:22:09,160
or maybe you never had it
in the first place.
643
00:22:11,330 --> 00:22:13,197
CENA: What will it take
to find their grit?
644
00:22:13,199 --> 00:22:15,366
I don't like teamwork.
I can't trust anybody.
645
00:22:15,368 --> 00:22:20,004
My motto is
when the going gets tough,
I quit.
646
00:22:20,006 --> 00:22:24,208
This is the first thing
I've ever done for myself.
647
00:22:24,210 --> 00:22:26,977
CENA: To help, I've brought in
four military heroes.
648
00:22:26,979 --> 00:22:29,647
Grady Powell, an elite
Green Beret commander.
649
00:22:29,649 --> 00:22:31,816
Chloe Mondesir, a marine.
650
00:22:31,818 --> 00:22:33,617
Riki Long, a fellow marine.
651
00:22:33,619 --> 00:22:36,520
And finally, John Burk,
an army drill sergeant.
652
00:22:36,522 --> 00:22:38,389
This cadre
will pick their teams.
653
00:22:38,391 --> 00:22:40,858
(chanting)
You had a choice
and you chose me!
654
00:22:40,860 --> 00:22:42,126
You wanna be on my team?
Yes, sir!
655
00:22:42,128 --> 00:22:43,160
(screams) Louder!
Yes, sir!
656
00:22:43,162 --> 00:22:44,829
CENA:
We'll all live side by side.
657
00:22:44,831 --> 00:22:47,798
Any time I walk in,
shut up.
658
00:22:47,800 --> 00:22:50,034
CENA:
It's as much of a competition
for the competitors
659
00:22:50,036 --> 00:22:51,402
as it is for the cadre.
660
00:22:51,404 --> 00:22:53,504
They look up to you.
Do you not realize that?
661
00:22:53,506 --> 00:22:55,339
CENA: Every week, the teams
are put through epic challenges.
662
00:22:55,341 --> 00:22:57,041
-Go!
-Whoo!
663
00:22:57,043 --> 00:22:59,643
-(screaming)
-Hurry up! Let's go!
664
00:22:59,645 --> 00:23:02,213
-(shouts)
-Hold on with all
you've got left.
665
00:23:02,215 --> 00:23:05,149
In the end, only one competitor
will win the quarter
of a million dollars.
666
00:23:05,151 --> 00:23:07,752
-Let's go, let's go!
-You don't deserve that money!
667
00:23:07,754 --> 00:23:10,054
CENA:
The strong won't always survive.
668
00:23:10,056 --> 00:23:13,190
(groans)
You people and your hugs,
I swear.
669
00:23:13,192 --> 00:23:16,827
If they don't step up,
they will ring out and go home.
670
00:23:16,829 --> 00:23:18,829
(clangs)
671
00:23:18,831 --> 00:23:21,732
This is go time.
This is their challenge.
672
00:23:21,734 --> 00:23:24,068
It's time
to find their grit.
673
00:23:24,070 --> 00:23:26,670
I will never let anyone
tell me that I'm nothing!
674
00:23:26,672 --> 00:23:28,706
Not even you.
Not even you!
675
00:23:28,708 --> 00:23:32,009
This is their challenge.
This is American Grit.